I have been mired in a slush of mucusful unpleasantness for almost two weeks now. It started with an ordinary cold, then spiraled up into a horrifying mess of hacking, choking, spitting foulness. Oh yes, it’s been a delight.
When I finally dragged myself and all my attendant putrefaction over to the urgent care two days ago, the universe saw fit to bestow upon me several gifts. First, the waiting room was EMPTY. Next, my doctor was a friend from church, which was nice because just in case the army of green horror-warriors in my head and chest finally rose up to choke me to death, I’d much rather the last face I see be that of someone I know and like rather than a stranger. The last gift? Codeine. It trims the edges off the misery and makes them all fuzzy.
Then, whaddya know? I got a blog award! Actually, I got the same award three times, which is triple the awesome, obviously. Thank you to Meagan at The Pretend Writer, Geninabug at My Beautiful 604, and Abby’s Mommy at 365 Days: 30+ Mommyhood!
This is what the award looks like. I’m not going to put it up yet. With NPS moving soon, I don’t want it to get damaged or broken so I’ll wait to put it up in the new digs.
A caveat: you see where it says “poems” on that award? Never gonna happen. I haven’t written a poem since my teenage angst phase and no force on heaven or earth would convince me to let any of those see the light of day. It makes me shudder to think of it.
There are rules for the award, of course:
- Thank the person who gave you the award.
- Share 7 things about yourself.
- Pass the award along to 15 bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic.
I have thanked them all, but here is a basket of virtual muffins because I am a very generous person.
It seems appropriate that the seven things have a theme, so I have chosen this:
- I am The Folding Ninja. My towels are perfectly square, my stack of pillowcases never tips over, and my family’s underwear and t-shirt drawers look like the ones you’d find in a model home if they put clothes in the drawers in model homes which I don’t think they do but they should and they could totally hire me to arrange them. Also? I can’t tell top sheets from bottom sheets after I fold them. Brian bestowed upon me an honorary Ph.D. in Folding Sciences, which was obviously an extraordinary day that I will never forget.
- I am The Bullshit Ninja, which I would be more proud of it weren’t so very common. Every person who had a 3.5 GPA or better as an undergraduate and majored in one of the social sciences, communications and journalism, English literature, or anything similar is, by definition, a Bullshit Ninja. (Oh, please. There are no exceptions and you know it. And anyway, bullshit skills are WAY more useful in life than knowing all about surplus transfer and the birth of capitalism, so it’s not like the time was wasted or anything.)
- I am The Crock-Pot Ninja. It’s no big secret that I hate to cook. It’s not something I dislike or something that I don’t especially enjoy, but something I hate. Could it possibly be any more boring, standing around in the kitchen stirring, simmering, chopping, blah blah blah? No, it could not. The Crock-Pot, though, makes it all a little more bearable. Shove in some meat, jam some veggies or beans on top, pour in some water and seasonings, and 8 hours later there’s a meal that doesn’t make anyone vomit. Hooray!
- I am The Sympathy Ninja. OK, this is one that actually matters and is, in fact, one of my favorite things about myself: Struggling with angst, anxiety, grief, or any of the other painful feelings that are, unfortunately, a part of life? I will listen, make all the right sympathetic noises, and most of all, I will actually give a shit. Also? No advice unless you want some, and maybe not even then.
- I am The Nap Ninja, which is where the whole “Adrienne is a ninja” thing started. Years ago (75 or 80, at least), when I was very young and teaching preschool, I was known as the one teacher who could get any group of kids to take their naps. Eventually, I taught workshops and trained other teachers and I always loved the nickname, Nap Ninja. Then Carter came along and blew apart all my nap cred, but I am now reclaiming my status because really? He’s just one kid among hundreds.
- I am The Appliance Repair Ninja. I have repaired washing machines, dryers, a refrigerator, a water heater, two evaporative coolers, garbage disposals, vacuum cleaners, and a treadmill. When I am engaged in appliance repair there is abundant vehement cussing which does not in any way reduce my status as The Appliance Repair Ninja because when I am done? The damn thing works.
- I am The Deciding Ninja. You know how annoying it is when you’re part of a group of people who are trying to make a collective decision? Someone says, “Hey, let’s go to dinner!” And someone else says, “Good idea! Where should we go?” The first person says, “I don’t know. What sounds good to everyone?” And then there are a dozen exchanges about how nobody cares because no one wants to be the one who chooses a restaurant that someone else doesn’t like, or people are afraid of seeming bossy, or something. You know how that goes? That annoys me so much that the annoyance itself crawls right up my spine and into my skull and niggles there like a nest of noisy baby birds. I’m the one who says, “Great! Let’s all go to XYZ Restaurant. Meet you there!” Then I get in my car and drive away and there’s really nothing to do but follow me. I’m pretty sure there are a few people who hate me for this, but more people are probably secretly relieved, so it’s a wash.
Now I’m supposed to award the award to 15 other award-worthy bloggers. I’m going to focus on blogs by parents raising children with mental illness. Please support these bloggers! They are living challenging lives, raising their kids with behavioral and emotional differences and some words of love and support will mean a lot. The envelope please…
I got this blog award AGAIN! I’m quadruple awesome! Go visit Brandee at Chill Mama Chill to help her out. No, seriously. She’s apparently living in fear of the zombie apocalypse. That’s silly because obviously the vampires will come first and kill us all before the zombies even get started.