People who equate truth with fact are missing the point.

Take NPS home with you

No Points For Style Button
Copy and Paste Code

“The time has come,” the woman said, “to talk of bloggy things…”

Two birds with one stone here, folks. First, you’ll know how I decide what to share with you, my lovely readers, because apparently? Some people care (and care deeply!). Second, I’ll have a link I can email to said people when they express their concern about Carter’s lack of privacy. I’ve written on this topic in vague terms here and here, but it seems I need to be a bit more explicit.

For the record, just because you call it concern doesn’t make it so. Concern and criticism are different; please take some time to learn what that difference is. I have gotten some of each and really, there’s no comparison. The people who write to me with genuine concerns make me think, and deeply, about the choices I’m making and why. I have learned a great deal from reading and responding to those messages. The people who criticize me? You just make me want to punch you in the knees.

And how productive is that, really? I’m pissed off; you have busted knees; and no one is listening to you because you? Are a jerk.

Aaand now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, let’s move on to the matter at hand.

Every writer of creative nonfiction, whether for a blog or a book, a magazine, journal, or the family’s annual Christmas newsletter, has to make some big decisions. How much should I reveal of myself? Of my family? My children, spouse, parents, friends, siblings, co-workers, pharmacist, hair dresser, and the woman behind me in the line at the grocery?

How much? And what?

I would really like to think that readers would give me the benefit of the doubt (Most do, of course, but there are always those few who need to tell me all the ways I am wrong.) and assume that, while I may make decisions that are different than the ones you would make, I love my family and am making my choices carefully.

First? Let’s address the issue of my naïveté because that one, being completely and unequivocally wrong, is easiest. I know damn well where I am and what the internet is. I don’t share all that I do because I think nothing bad can ever come of that; I share all that I do because I believe (strongly) that it’s worth the risk. I have been victimized on the web several times, most recently about four years ago when a large cloth diaper company had its gallery stolen by a fetish site. Among the stolen pictures were more than a dozen of Carter. I know where I am; I did not just fall off this particular turnip truck. The people who tell me horror stories and call me foolish, ignorant, naïve, or (in one memorable case) a “hug [sic] fucking idiot” are wasting time and key strokes.

Can’t you feel the love? The genuine, heartfelt concern?

Sorry; sarcasm is my default state.

Anyway, back to it. To those who have accused me of exploiting my child for financial gain, I thank you. If you believe that I will, someday, make money off of this? You must think very highly of me. I do hope, someday (soon? please?) to make money from this habit of using letters and words to make stories. First thing I’ll do when the buckets of cash (snort!) come rolling in? Double Carter’s occupational therapy sessions.

I am all exploitative like that.

Let’s do my favorite one next because it’s amusing, and it’s the one I’ve probably gotten most often. A direct quote from one email, “Why do you share everything about his life? Doesn’t he deserve some privacy?”

I’m a wee bit perplexed. When did I say that I share everything here?  I do not. Perhaps it seems that way to people who are raising neurotypical children; some of things I’ve written here are dramatic, frightening, even shocking. It may seem like I’ve let the blog into every darkest corner of Carter’s illness, but there is more. Some of it is worse; some of it is simply private, and I have my reasons for holding back the things that I hold back. Sometimes the reason is that Carter said, “Don’t post that!”

My bright dream is this: someday, when Carter is an adult, he and I will write a book together. We’ll tell the whole story of his childhood, his illness, all the darkest symptoms and all the shining joys, but there are things I will not share without his adult consent.

This last one is sometimes very sensitive for many, many reasons, perhaps most easily understood by people in the special needs parenting community. We are constantly walking a fine line between the optimism that keeps us moving forward, and a realistic assessment of the possibilities.

That line? So fine that it’s sharp. I cut myself on the damn thing all the time.

People want to know if I’m not hobbling Carter, making his problems known and thereby causing him future problems when he wants to go to college, get a job, find a romantic partner, etc. I’m going to tell you something now that makes most people recoil in horror because it makes me seem like a pessimist: the likelihood that Carter will grow up and live independently is small. The likelihood that he will grow up and go to college, have a career, or have a stable relationship are much smaller.

In no way does this meant that we have given up on him. We are doing everything we can to help Carter gain the skills he needs to have a happy, productive life. I don’t really care what that means; whether he lives independently, in a group home, or with us, I’m all good. Suicide, life in prison, or losing him to the streets are the things I’m interested in helping him avoid.

In some sense, it seems to me that the work of public advocacy naturally falls more to parents of children who are seriously ill. If Carter was mildly ill and had fewer other disabilities, maybe I would choose differently. If he had a better chance of overcoming his many challenges and living an independent life, perhaps I would be more concerned about outing him before-the-fact.

Kids surprise their parents every day. If, someday, this blog is a stumbling block for Carter? I will be overwhelmed with joy and I’ll do whatever it takes to fix that problem for him.

I read quite a few anonymous blogs by parents of children with mental illness and I respect that choice. But I also know that it’s very unlikely I would ever be asked this question if what ailed Carter was cancer or epilepsy. Carter has no more to be ashamed of than any child with an illness of body instead of an illness of mind (and it isn’t like those two things are different, but I’ll leave that for another day). If he suffers from stigma, shouldn’t we blame the stigma (and the society that props it up in a million ways small and large) instead of his mom and her blog?

After the very best parenting that his dad and I can offer him, what Carter needs most from me is that I do my part to change the world. More health care services, better education, less stigma, more understanding…that’s what Carter needs.

I am only one voice, true, but I am one of thousands of people who are prepared to make noise until we die or things change, whichever comes first.

They are TOO talking about blogging!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
Like it? Share it!
Twitter Facebook Stumbleupon Email

55 comments to “The time has come,” the woman said, “to talk of bloggy things…”

  • Love this! You? Can totally change the world! Carter? Is so lucky you’re his mom! Love you!
    cathy recently posted..Dazee Wants to Know

  • whoa! that’s two…count em…two comments i have made first tonight! YAY for me! sorry. forgot for a second that this is all about you. snort.
    cathy recently posted..Dazee Wants to Know

  • you get THAT many naysayers that you had to address them in a post? That sucks and makes me all knee-punchy too! It shocks me…SHOCKS me every time I hear that someone gets negativity for something I think is so wonderful. Your love and advocacy for Carter are among the most beautiful things I have found in the bloggy world.

    Everyone else? Can go right to hell.

    After we tag team knee punch them.
    Katie recently posted..Sluiter Nation Takes Indy

    • Oh, pediatric mental illness? It brings out the stupid in lots of people. Everyone who has watch a TV special about parents “drugging” their kids thinks they’re an expert. And who am I, to think that I know better than they do about what is right for my family?

      Eventually, I’ll have to moderate comments. For now, I can get by with monitoring them closely and deleting as necessary. The reasonable (read: genuinely concerned) people stick to email. Go figure, right?

      And thank you. Thank you so very much for your constant support, and your offers of knee punching!

      • Just so you know, I’m with Katie in the knee-punching. Totally.

        Those of us who HAVE worked with children know when we see parents who are advocates. Those who haven’t? Don’t know what the hell they’re talking about.
        Miranda recently posted..First of all

  • Well said, indeed. This particular line of “concern” seems to be expressed to many parents who blog about their children. As I’m sure you know, Dooce has a whole series of posts about it and an entire hater site devoted wholly to the notion that No-one Is Thinking Of The Child(ren).

    In my own super-small way, I got so fed up with the sustained commentariat on my blog whenever I wrote about my kids that I took that blog private and started another for my public conversations. But then, having three neurotypical kids (albeit one with a sleep disorder and one with anxiety, both of which I blog about a fair bit), I never saw advocacy and awareness-raising as a core function of my blog, so going private wasn’t a big deal for me. The powerful voice you have established here really would be lost that way.

    Bottom line, it is really bloody insulting for people to suggest that you don’t understand what it is you are doing, to suggest that you haven’t weighed the risks and benefits, to imply that you are not adequately regarding Carter’s privacy. I’ve only been reading your blog a very short while and have worked my way back through archives already, and your words have taught me things I never knew or understood in a profound and real way. And here is why that voice matters – I have a friend with a non-neorotypical 6-year-old son who has just been diagnosed bipolar, and I am needing to get some grip on how I can be of use to her. From reading here, I think the only thing I’ve worked out is that I need to listen to her – more, to HEAR her – as she and her son start their journey on this road. I’m not sure I would have realised this so quickly or certainly without your blog as a guide.
    Kathy recently posted..We Play – Trampoline

    • And now I am weeping, because YES! Yes yes yes. Exactly, and thank you. This is the kind of feedback that makes me happiest.

      Your friend is blessed to have a friend who is willing to learn how to best support her. I’m incredibly grateful to be a part of that.

  • I think that what you’re doing here is admirable from the standpoint of public advocacy. If nothing else, it lets people know that they are not alone, and the importance of that kind of support can’t be understated. But it goes both ways–it lets you know, too, that other people out there are having experiences like yours, and I don’t think that the cathartic element and the support that you, yourself, receive should be underestimated in importance, either. Because it’s important for all parents of all kinds of children to understand that parenting is difficult, and we all have to find support and strength where we can. I believe it makes us all better parents and better people.

    I don’t think I’m telling you anything you don’t know already. I guess I just wanted to say that I admire you. And thank you.

    • Yes! Getting the feedback, feeling the support, it’s huge. It’s no overstatement at all to say that it’s changed my life.

      Thank you for reminding me. I’m stunned that it’s even possible, but I think I may have started to take that for granted a little bit. Shocking, really, when it was something I longed for less than a year ago. Yes, it absolutely makes us better parents. Isolation isn’t good for any of us.

      And thank you, and welcome!

  • Kate

    I’ll help bust knees! If you reach just one person in a similar situation its all worth it.

  • I will so take out some knees with you.

    What you’re doing here is so important. Raising awareness for mental illnesses deserves a standing ovation, not criticism.

    There will always be people who think they know better though.

    Those people? Most likely need to take a long hard look in the mirror themselves. What was that saying about taking the plank out of your own eye before pointing out the speck in someone else’s? Yeah. That.

    You’re incredible. For every hater you have 100+ supporters. Never forget that.

    Love ya.

  • Jorene

    Have I told you how proud I am of the fearless woman you have become? Somehow I doubt I would fall asleep this time!!!! Head up!! Back straight!! Look them dead in the eye and send them to me for a nice cup of Koolaid…(evil laughter in the background).
    Carter is as lucky to have you as you are to have him. Keep following your heart and gut, they are leading you well. One day you and Carter both can laugh all the way to the bank with the royalties.
    Love…always and unconditionally, that woman you know.

    • And have I told you how grateful I am that you helped me find out that I’m strong? Because I am. Deeply. Remember how sad and timid I was? I thought I would never be a bad ass like you. Thank God I was wrong!

      Mmmm…Kool-Aid!

      Snort.

      Love and love and love to you.

  • d

    I got your back,lady!!! Just direct me to the knees!!! I understand how you feel about the negative criticism and judging. Although I don’t have a child with any mental health issues, I was a child growing up with one. You have known me for a long time and you also know that I have spent a lifetime of being judged by others…and now, at our age, it’s about the way I choose to raise my daughter. As moms, as parents, we are the ones responsbile for our children and it is our job to do what is best for them…and if writing down a few words that will encourage others and let them know that they are not alone is what will keep us from breaking down ourselves, then so be it. Kids of today have a saying “Don’t be a hater!!” and that, my friend, applies perfectly to these people that feel the need to look out for everyone but themselves.

    Keep at it…chin up..This worls is such a better place with you in it!!!

    • Thank you, my dear! Honestly? It doesn’t upset me too much. I mean, it DOES upset me, of course, but lots less than I would have thought. This post? Mostly so I could link the haters to something w/o having to go to the trouble to actually answer them individually.

      Way, way too much good has come from this (for me, my family, readers) for me to doubt that it’s the right thing to do!

  • It amazes me how people can be so judgmental all the time. I’m sorry you get such hateful comments and mail. Keep doing what you’re doing…you are a great advocate for Carter.
    Kmama recently posted..Buddys Bodacious Birthday

    • Thank you! And truly, it doesn’t upset me too terribly much. Of course, I don’t enjoy it, but, you know, MEH! I wanted a link to my response to the haters, and now have one. Copy, paste, send, block, done!

  • If only the people who disagreed with us were all able to do so respectfully. The kind of ugliness that causes people to write such ignorant and rude things makes me incredibly sad.

    Without strong, articulate voices speaking for our children we CAN make a difference. The vilification of neurobiological illnesses must end, the medical coverage for these conditions must mirror the coverage available for so-called “normal” diseases. We must change the way that people see these illnesses, the way they see our children, and the way that they see adults who also live with these conditions. I am grateful for the way you step into the light and raise your voice, eloquently, on behalf not only of your son but of ALL people big and small who suffer from mental health issues.
    Barnmaven recently posted..On my car

    • Do you have any idea how I look forward to your comments? Because I do, always!

      And yes, what good do I do Carter or anyone if I hide in the closet and moan about stigma and lack of services? None at all. I have been gifted with the ability to write the stories, and wonderful people to read them. What a shame to waste any of that!

      Thank you. Always, thank you.

  • Very eloquently put. Very honest and very clear. I hope it helps some people understand you & your choice better 🙂 (although I know the internet is full of righteous indignated people, KWIM?). Love & respect for you!
    Ruby recently posted..6 weeks and counting

  • Do you read the blog Mamapundit by Katie Allison Granju? If not, I HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend it. She revealed some months ago that her oldest child was a drug addict, and she got the same bullshit blowback that you are. “What about his future?” and “you’re going to ruin his adult life” et cetera.

    Then he died.

    We all think we have the luxury of living forever. Those who complain about your blog habits are certain, ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN, that your child will grow up to be a perfectly functional adult who is humiliated by everything his mother wrote about him. Granju would LOVE to embarrass Henry, but he’s gone. His disease killed him.

    Long story short: no one has a clue what the future holds, not for themselves and especially not for a family struggling with mental illness. No one. So leave the predictions to the fortune tellers at the circus and leave blogging parents alone.

    • Oh, yes, I’ve followed Katie’s blog for a long time. The things I saw happen to her (still happening) are among the worst I’ve seen online, and I’ve seen some terrible stuff.

      I think that there are lots of deeply angry people in the world, looking for someplace to put that mountain of rage. They’ll take down anyone who crosses their line of sight!

      And I couldn’t agree more; many people think that good parenting automatically and always results in healthy, happy children who grow up to be healthy, happy adults. It’s a hard concept for many people, the reality that shit can come into your family like a lightning bolt.

      And thank you. Much much much.

  • Sigh. Sigh and sigh.

    I think…well, I think so much damned crap. You know that. You let me share that all the time.

    Numbers. I’m resorting to numbers, people!

    1. What you share is your business, not mine. You know where your lines are, I do not. If you share more than I would, so? If I thought maybe you had not seen the possible impact of something and I had spotted it first, I would tell you NOW because we are friends but I try to not start out in assumptions of stupidity because that is rude. Parents are – typically – pretty deeply invested in the health of their kids.

    2. My own decisions to keep my husband and kids’ names out of the blog has most to do with a crazy ex-wife (and the older two are not mine, remember) and the fact that we end up in fucking court. With regularity. And I will not have “She exposed my children to pedophiles on the internet!” as one of the irrational pieces of ammunition she uses against us. As long as I post less about them than they post on Facebook about themselves (which clearly she is okay with) then I think we’re good.

    3. In what way does YOU talking about how Carter poops expose him in more ways than the other kazillion potty training stories every other mother on the internet posts about HER kids? And if we’re talking about his mental health issues, how is that worse thank talking about your kid’s night terrors, big-girl panty infatuations or misuse of profanity? Oh yes, I know now…YOUR stories have the possibility of making a small population of people far more sensitive and aware of something they probably misunderstood in a big way before.

    You……..bitch.

    *sigh*
    Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points recently posted..It’s Okay Because of All the Pretty Colors

    • Holy crap, I love you! You wacky woman, you! Out on the internet, giving people the benefit of the doubt, trusting other peoples’ judgment about their own situations!

      1. Yeah, I was reading a blog where the author was griping about dozens of grammar corrections in her email. All of them correcting the same mistake. Hello? I would do that FOR only a few people, people who are my friends and who I know would CARE about such a thing. So yeah, I don’t get the business of snarking on a stranger at all, for something as small as grammar or as large as parenting decisions. And if I AM concerned, I express it as such because I actually know how.

      2. See, yeah, there you go again, expecting that people are making decisions based on the unique needs of their own families. You! (Also? Thank God Brian’s ex-wife is not as fussy as she used to be and my ex-husband has NO idea how to use the big, scary world wide interwebs (he was mad at me for BUYING Abbie a FB account) or I’d have some trouble there, too.)

      3. Yes, exactly, we’re so freaking obsessed with privacy that we isolate ourselves. I’m sick of being isolated. The response I got to the first story I ever published about Carter was a revelation for me. Privacy is like so many other things; we need SOME. But we also need community.

      Sigh. Love you, my mercurial friend.

  • AmyLynn

    Adrienne

    You are right on the mark, in fact a bullseye. Stay true to what you know because inside you? You are walking on a trail that will leave changes as you go along. Changes that will allow the people that follow you to have more clarity than if you had stayed silent. Thank you.

    I wanted to write a book about my daughter’s life journey so far. I thought it would be insightful to do each chapter in three parts: 1) My view 2) My daughter’s recollections and view 3) Her doctor’s medical view—not started that project yet….

  • Shawna

    Is this where I should say something like “The great writers are never appreciated in their own time”?
    Nah, I’ll just grab my bat & joint the Knee-Breaking-Army!
    C’mon all fellow members, let the KBA all go out today & defend someone. Like on the ABC series “What would you do?” All it takes is for one person to speak up against an asshole and others join in.
    Hear that asshole? We’re coming for you!
    People have no right to judge, even if they feel like they’ve been in the same shoes because no mentally ill person responds the same way to the same treatment. It’s all so very individual. So a gluten free diet cured your child? Great! Consider yourself blessed. Don’t expect it to cure everybody.
    I guess all I have left to say is….I hear you.

    • Thank you. Yes, people are bossy! I mean, I guess I can be very bossy, too, but in a “click this link” or “go out and defend the underdog” kind of way, not a “live your life the way I tell you” kind of way. Because that would be different and annoying. As you know.

      And if I had a nickel for every time someone told me about a miracle diet cure for all that ails Carter? I could buy more than a cup of coffee! Maybe a nice dinner with my husband.

  • Kristen

    Your blog is inspiring to me! You are such a brave writer that it gives a new blogger like me the courage to one day speak up about my own battles with my mental health issues! Your blog probably helps more people than it offends. Those people are assholes anyway! Just tell them to fuck off. Love bittrbetty

    • Thank you! Yes, the balance tips far, far, far in favor of the positive. I wrote this post mostly so that I would have a link to send to the haters. Making things easier for myself in the future and all that.

      Again thank you, and yes, when you’re ready? Write about it. Believe me; I have some struggles that I haven’t shared yet. Someday, when I am ready, I will tell those things. And so will you.

  • Hi, I’m Cate. This is my first comment on your blog.
    Luckily for my knees – I completely agree with you and your loyal readers. 🙂
    It is always amazing to me IRL – let alone online – how many people feel that they innately know how others should behave, think, feel.
    One of the hardest lessons for us to learn as mothers is to trust our own judgment – and one of the reasons is that there are so many people out there that want to make sure we understand that their reality is correct.
    Since it looks like it’s okay to swear here – I’ll say “fuck that”.
    I really enjoyed your post, Adrienne, and I’ll be back.
    Cate
    Cate recently posted..The Marathon – My Adventure Day 3

    • Thank you! And you made me laugh; yes, very OK to cuss it up, and loud, over here! Sometimes? Fuck is the only word that will do.

      You know what amazes me? When people see genuinely BAD things in real life, they’re all, uh-oh, what do I do? I was a teenager and saw a woman just berating the crap out of her kid, calling him names and swatting is backside repeatedly. Everyone was watching; everyone noticed, and no one did a thing. I HOPE that now, as an adult, I would step in, although I guess I won’t know until/unless I see such a thing again.

      Yet people are willing to berate people for things that are so much less obvious than that. I’ve been verbally abused because my son was being over-active in public. I make sure he doesn’t touch anyone or get in anyone’s way, and I would never let him disturb people in, say, a movie or restaurant, and yet people have called me out for bad discipline.

      Major dissonance there.

      And thank you, and welcome! Hooray for first-time comments!

  • Meg

    I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this Adrienne. I agree there are a lot of hateful people out there in the world and they seem to gravitate to the internet. As you know, I’ve been the target of a lot of this hate myself. I do blog anonymously for a number of reasons but I know you have your reasons for being public and everyone has to do what they feel is right for their family. Keep on speaking your peace, Adrienne 🙂
    Meg recently posted..The Horse Boy- A Documentary Of Autism- Healing &amp Acceptance

    • Thanks, Meg. Yes, so many people believe themselves to be experts on these things, don’t they?

      And just to underscore, I completely respect your decision to blog anonymously. I assume that every parent is making careful choices based on their family’s unique situation, and unless they go around posting naked pictures of their kids or something blatantly terrible like that? I’m going to stay quiet!

  • Anonymous

    “Carter has no more to be ashamed of than any child with an illness of body instead of an illness of mind.” Well said Adrienne, well said.

    And from someone who has no concern OR criticism to offer? I’m very impressed with your bravery to expose yourself and your family as you’ve done. I hope that your efforts and your story impact enough people to initiate a positive change.

    And should you be able to make an income from your experiences? I think that you of all people deserve to buy a treat for yourself too. It absolutely boggles my mind how anyone could be think that you’re trying to capitalize on your struggle with Carter.

    And in response to how this stands to affect Carter’s future? Should he reach the opportunity for college, love etc- which we all hope- I think that he will be so proud to have a mother who loves and supports him as much as you. And for standing up to judgemental people, being vulnerable to the harshness of their own opinions, in an effort to advocate for your son.

    Cheers to you Adrienne. And fuck everyone who doesn’t raise their glass to join me.

    • Thank you, anonymous one!

      I know that I have had a positive impact because people have told me, “Wow. I didn’t know! I’m going to be kinder/more sensitive/more compassionate from now on!” That right there rocks my world.

  • Wow! I don’t have time to read all the comments, so I may be repeating other posts, but thank you for opening up your life to us. I’m one of those moms who have an anonymous blog about my son, I have chosen this path because it feels right for me. It has in no way reflected on what I think of other blogs that share much more, in fact I’m a little jealous of that. I wish I could open up even more, but it’s the fear of those judgmental people that make me feel like I need to hide behind a fake name. I’m not ashamed of my son, or the things that have occurred because of his illness, in fact, I am so proud of him for so many reason and there are times I ache to post a picture of my son so those reading can see his brilliant smile, so others can see that my son looks like so many other adorable kids.

    I admire your bravery in opening up, I see your child and I feel comforted in knowing that there are other fantastic kids that are suffering like my son.
    Mama Bear recently posted..Summertime Blues

    • Like I said? I absolutely respect your decision to blog anonymously. Completely. I am, by nature, a fairly open person and that makes me sort of suited to this, you know? If I needed to be anonymous in order to share my truth, I would do it that way.

      And I understand the fear. I was really nervous about negative feedback and it turns out, it doesn’t bother me nearly as much as I thought it would. Go figure! Nasty comments from strangers in the grocery have prepared me well. 😉

  • Show me the knees and I’ll be over there shortly with a large blunt object. You have enough crap to worry about. Add on some haters and naysayers? Nah, the hell with that. Don’t give them the time of day.

    Like you said, you do what’s right for you. Nobody has the right to even attempt to tell you any different.

    Your efforts to spread awareness are commendable, to say the very least. You rock my socks off.

    Count me in, Sarge.
    Roxane recently posted..The Day We Do Not Speak Of – Undead

    • Thank you! They won’t slow me down; no worries. This post? It’s now the thing I can point to and say, “shut up and read.” Then? If there is not the shutting of mouths? Block!

  • The only person to whom you have to explain your parenting choices to is yourself.
    The love that you have for Carter is organic and true. And that kind of love? Is nothing to make apologies for.
    You keep being you…and we’ll all still be here, loving and supporting you.

    • Thank you. Many, many thanks. My idea is to answer it this one time, then point to the same answer over and over again. We’ll see how that works! I think that, the less fuel I put on this kind of thing, the faster it goes away.

  • Interesting that you should write about this today. I started my blog a month or 2 ago. It still has the bubble wrap. However, I have already lost several “friends” and been attacked verbally by complete strangers because of my writing. The topic of my blog is personal development for people with mental illness. The primary perspective is um…me. While I’ve gotten a lot of “thank you for being a voice” compliments, there are also the trolls who accuse me of identifying myself solely with mental illness and wearing it like a flag (Um…Geek is my true identity actually if you must label.), who have suddenly backed away like I have the cooties (Apparently they didn’t know I was clinically diagnosed dangerously insane with depression and anxiety.), who have called me a whiner who needs to suck it up and get a job (This stigma is so typical that I have an entire series of posts on my blog dealing with it.). Since I have a bit of agoraphobia most of these attacks are via Internet, so I’ve learned (after tears) to just hit the delete button and move on. My reaction to all those critics is if you don’t like it, don’t read it and mind your own business. P.S. I have “a thing” for quotation marks, ellipses, and parentheses. Don’t ask me why.
    Emily recently posted..Mindfulness- A Long Term Anxiety Solution

    • Oh, yes. The label people. The identity scaremongers. No one says that shit to someone who’s blogging about cancer!

      Alright, I’m sure someone does, but there’s not the concern with labels. Who cares if it’s a label? That’s what a diagnosis IS! It can be your identity or not; that doesn’t change the existence of the illness itself!

      Yeah, suck it up. People tell me to “force” Carter to do or be something all the time. Turns my stomach, but that can’t acknowledge that he has a real illness.

      I share your parentheses habit! I have all kinds of side-points to make. Probably hard to read, but I keep doing it anyway. I think about getting myself under control, and then I forget, and BAM! Dozens of parentheses again.

  • Delete . . . delete . . . delete.

    I get crap, occasionally.

    Delete . . . delete . . . delete.

    That is all.

    Love you.

    • Now? I can send people this link. After they read it, they can shut up or suffer my deletion. Bwahahahaha! (That’s evil laughter. It’s hard to tell, I know.)

      Love you right back!

  • AmyLynn

    Adrienne

    I just feel very inspired to say to you: Please do not feel you have to explain and validate your choices to ANYONE. It makes me sad and frankly a little sick that people hurt you.

    Somedays? I want to find creative ways to get rid of all the stupid and mean people.

    Everyday? I am thankful that I am not one of them.

    Neither are you.

  • Well, you know abut what happened when i shared on my blog my son’s latest diagnosis (he’s had 3- PDD-NOS, Asperger’s and now SPD is what we are going with). Some people were downright horrible to me about it. But more people were supportive & a few even messaged me privately to say they were going through the same thing and how much hope it gives them to know there are other families who KNOW what they’re dealing with.
    It’s not easy, this life. It’s very hard, and there will always be people who say you are doing wrong but they don’t know, mama, they haven’t walked in our shoes.

    You & I just have so much in common, it’s wild. I look forward to reading your future posts.
    Casey recently posted..House-hunting makes me stabby

  • eh. i’ve been reading for a while and i don’t feel like i know everything there is to know about carter. i say don’t worry about it.
    Taz’s Mama recently posted..Lithium- You Dirty Rat!

    • Nah, I won’t. The fact that you have a child very much like Carter? That’s probably part of why you know that you haven’t heard everything. You KNOW the kinds of things I’m protecting. Some people? They don’t get it. At all.

      But really, I’m not laying awake, ever, over the criticism I’ve gotten. I wanted to answer it, for whatever reason, and now I’m done. I’ll send the link to the criticizers of the future. 😉

Leave a Reply

 

 

 

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

CommentLuv badge