People who equate truth with fact are missing the point.

A Dislocation of Mind

Right now, millions of people in the US cannot access needed mental health care. My daughter is one of those people, and her life is at risk. . . . → Read More: A Dislocation of Mind

Happy In the Meantime

Real happiness is nothing like what we see on TV. That happiness comes from big houses and children who go to Ivy League colleges and beautiful dresses that drape gracefully over slender hips. For me, it is some mysterious combination of praying, serving, loving people, and creativity. . . . → Read More: Happy In the Meantime

The Ugly Familiar 4: Give Yourself Away

Jacob ~4 months

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 3.1 (except it’s less of a part and more of an interlude)

We all grow up with rules.

I’m not talking about the regular rules that our parents speak aloud – no running in the house; don’t sing at the dinner table; if you wear your tap . . . → Read More: The Ugly Familiar 4: Give Yourself Away

Bombarded

First things first: you people will never know (no matter how hard I try to tell you) what you have done for me this week. I want to respond to all your comments individually, but being emotionally overwhelmed. . .well, we’ll see.

In any case, many, many thanks. This being-separated-from-Jacob-and-Abbie is one of the . . . → Read More: Bombarded

Under Siege

My head hurts.

Actually, I have pain from my forehead, up and around the back of my head, down into my neck, and spreading across my shoulders and down to my back.

Why? Because I don’t like my kid much these days, and that’s a shitty way to be feeling.

If I had a . . . → Read More: Under Siege

The Mother I Was, the Mother I Am, and the Mother I Wish I Could Be

Brian and Carter have gone to bed, closing out a day that I’d just as soon have skipped. There was yelling today. Also some stomping on the stairs, several episodes door slamming, and, of course, the requisite cursing.

I wish I could say that all the bad behavior belonged to the small person who has . . . → Read More: The Mother I Was, the Mother I Am, and the Mother I Wish I Could Be

Happier and Healthier: Creating a Peaceful Environment

Wow. Alright, based on my email inbox and a few comments, it seems I need to clear a few things up.

I love you all for being concerned. Really and truly, I do. This is meant to reassure, not scold, so please hear it in the manner in which it is intended!

Expressing my . . . → Read More: Happier and Healthier: Creating a Peaceful Environment

The Sound of the Darkness

Depression is a wily motherfucker. She’ll use whatever she sees to gouge me right in the soul, to suck the life out of me and make me too tired to fight her.

She sees the overflowing laundry hamper and says, “My God, if you can’t even keep up with the laundry, what good . . . → Read More: The Sound of the Darkness

Love with Teeth

This article originally appeared in the Winter, 2010 issue of Brain, Child Magazine. I am reprinting it here because this is a key piece of Carter’s and my history that is missing from No Points for Style.

In the four months since Carter’s birth, I had memorized the shadows’ patterns on . . . → Read More: Love with Teeth

All this, and yet…

My dogs knocked over the kitchen trash during the night last night and spread tissues and coffee grounds all over the house.

Infuriating.

I took Carter to get blood work done this morning and the orders weren’t in the computer system, so we have to go back again tomorrow.

Frustrating.

It took me over . . . → Read More: All this, and yet…

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