People who equate truth with fact are missing the point.

Frustratinger and Frustratinger

Avert your eyes, ye Puritans. Yea verily, I am going to curse. Also there is talk of boners here. You are warned.

I fucking HATE insurance companies. Fucking hate them. The only thing I hate more than insurance companies is the health savings account, which is a great idea and saves us lots of money in taxes but is the most confusing, arbitrary, fucked up thing EVER. I mean, Brian and I went to college. We are not stupid people, but between the insurance policy and the HSA rules, you’d think we were trying to understand string theory instead of some very ordinary programs that millions of people depend on.

Carter needed some dental work. Carter being Carter, he needed the Super Ultra Deluxe sedation (can I hear an amen from the DD/MI parents?). Alternatively, we could have brought in a large team of heartless people to lay over him while he screamed and fought, but all in all, the drugs seemed kinder. Plus, I assume the heartless people would have cost even more than the drugs since I don’t know any people like that and I would have had to hire them.

The insurance won’t pay for the drugs. Yeah, fine, whatever. I get that they don’t give a shit about the teeth in my kid’s head and they care even less if the whole event is profoundly traumatic for him. No skin off their noses if he can’t eat solid foods or sits in a corner, rocking and sucking his thumb, forever. So I paid for the sedation with our health savings account because a) it is a health expense and b) the drugs were prescribed by a licensed provider. This, in general, is how the HSA works.

But oh, never mind. It doesn’t qualify. You want Lasik because you’re annoyed with glasses? Your insurance won’t cover it, but you can pay with your HSA. You want boner pills because you can’t get it up? Your insurance might pay for that, but even if it won’t, you can pay with your HSA. But if my kid needs his teeth fixed and his developmental issues make that intolerable for him without drugs? Tough shit. Pay your $400 and shut up. And it’s not even like I’m asking for someone else to pay; it’s our money and they just make the rules so it’s halfway to impossible to use it!

And the thing that makes it all that much more insulting is, WHY is $400 a problematic amount of money for us? Because the kid who needed the dental work which he could not tolerate without the drugs can also not tolerate daycare, so I don’t have a fucking job, that’s why. We have enough money to meet all our needs, including our medical needs, if we can meet those needs with the money we already set aside¬†(and holy wow; between the premiums, the HSA, and the other expenses, it is a ¬†shit ton of money). But no, the people who make the rules are holding the money hostage and defining dental sedation as unnecessary. Much as I understand the desire for oneself or one’s partner to achieve a great boner, healthy teeth seem more important, but what the hell do I know? Rich men need their penis pills and little kids whose moms don’t have jobs will just have to learn to live on applesauce and mashed bananas.

Many days, it feels something like this:

Dear People with Disabilities and Caregivers of People with Disabilities,

Go to hell. (Unless we need you for momentary inspiration.)

We will take almost every available opportunity to screw you. (Unless featuring you on our poster will get us goodwill points.)

Come to us for help! (We put this on billboards and websites to give people the illusion that there really is help to be had.)

The People Who Make the Rules and Keep the Money and Don’t Care One Bit If You Die

I know this is not a big problem in the grand scheme. It’s just frustrating as a motherfucker, and it’s cumulative. $400 here, denied OT there, another waiting list (I keep a LIST of the waiting lists we’re on), and it all builds up until I feel like we’re living in a spiral of doom, never really getting anywhere, fighting the same battle over and over and over. The battle always comes down to the same question: does Carter matter? Is he worth it? The answer I hear back is so often, “No, he’s not. He doesn’t matter. Your family doesn’t matter,” that I find myself struggling to resist the temptation of bitterness. I will resist the temptation because the last thing humanity needs is another bitter person, but damn.


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6 comments to Frustratinger and Frustratinger

  • I tend to write appeal letters in verbose detail when this happens to me. Then, I give them to Scott, who holds them for a week. If we both feel the same way, and there are few enough swears that I’m not likely to be arrested for threatening behavior or some such, we mail it. Sometimes it works, and sometimes, it just annoys them. But I like to feel that when it merely irritates them, I have at LEAST done to them as they did unto me.

  • Come to us for help! (We put this on billboards and websites to give people the illusion that there really is help to be had.)

    This pretty much sums it all up, right there.

  • AMEN! I hear ya sister. We just got the HSA card this year–and I have no clue how to use it in our convoluted payment schemes that we have negotiated with providers due to insurance woes. I’m thinking next year the tax benefits won’t be worth the hassle (which is why we didn’t do it until this year.) And now I have to figure out how I can spend it before it expires and someone else get OUR money! Whomever dreamed this up didn’t have us in mind.

  • Unlike the smarter commenters above, I don’t hold on to them. I mail the verbose letters full of the nitty gritty details of why their heads are up their asses

    I actually got an insurance company to reverse a decision once by asking the claims rep how to spell his last name so I’d know how to spell it on the subpoena when I sued him for wrongful death if my son killed himself.

    I have no depth to which I will not sink to get what my kid(s) need.

  • I totally feel your pain. My chest got tighter and tighter as I read. I have been locked in many insurance battles and it is fucking infuriating. I hate them. They don’t want to pay for anything that my autistic son needs but happily paid for me get prescription sun glasses. My son also needs dental work and will need sedation. We are waiting for an appt at the hospital where it needs to take place. I fully intended to use our HSA to cover the anesthesiologist. Now all I’m thinking is “OH SHIT! Another battle.”
    I will openly admit that I don’t do a good job of not getting bitter or angry.

  • Kristina Wells

    All I can say is “Amen” and “Hallelujah” (and I’m an agnostic). I have a child with severe autism who needs full sedation for dental work, and I see the absolute truth of your words.

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