One Sack of Hammers, Hold the Water

How is a sack of wet hammers any stupider than a sack of dry ones?

Brian: That guy is as dumb as a sack of wet hammers.

Me: How is a sack of wet hammers any stupider than a sack of dry ones?

Brian: The wet ones didn’t have the sense to come in out of the rain.

Moral of the story: Marry a Southern boy. They say awesomely weird stuff, and often.

Follow That Rabbit

I wrote part five of The Transcendent Familiar (No idea what I’m talking about? Here: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4). Really, I did. As it turns out, though, what I thought was part 5 is actually part 6 (I think, though who knows? Maybe it’s part 7, or 12, or 34.).

I think that, if I was writing a book, it would go just like this, with the back-and-forthing, the rearranging, the jumping-in-and-out of memories, the expanding-and-contracting timeline. The weird/wonderful thing about blogging is that the process is on display as much as the story and you get the story as I go along, instead of after everything has been all cleaned up and neatly arranged.

Or maybe not. I don’t know about writing books. I haven’t written a book since I was ten and my friend Sarah and I wrote the definitive sourcebook on endangered species.

In any case, I wrote a story about something that happened when Jacob was a year old, but then I realized I had to tell a story about something that happened when Jacob was a newborn first. I wrote it, and I’ll post it soon, but I’m treading deep into the land of Other People’s Stories, so it seems wise to go slow and let the words settle a bit before I release them into the world.

Also, I’m fascinated by memory and can’t stop turning it over and around, playing with it and following the rabbit into all his strange little holes. Over the weekend, while I was writing stories from 1993 and 1994, I was overwhelmed with a desire to listen to Fleetwood Mac, like a food craving. I dug through stacks and stacks of CDs (Almost all Brian’s; he is possessed by a need to own every sound ever recorded by The Grateful Dead or any portion thereof.) until I found a “best of” Fleetwood Mac album and loaded it onto my computer.

I haven’t listened to Fleetwood Mac beyond the occasional song that’s come on the car radio in over a decade, but in the early 1990s, they were a musical staple. The memories of that time rang a Fleetwood Mac chime in my brain and I was compelled to respond. Thankfully, Little Lies is as awesome as ever.

In other news, we’re moving! Not just moving, but moving into the The Ugliest House in Albuquerque.

I’ll forgive you for assuming that I’m speaking hyperbolically because I so often do, but this time? Not a chance. Now, I haven’t seen all the houses in Albuquerque, so I can’t be positive that ours is the absolutely, positively, for sure ugliest, but it’s easily the ugliest one I’ve ever seen so we’re going with The Ugliest House in Albuquerque as the title of the new estate.

Behold, the kitchen:

Did I tell you? Oh, and before you ask me WHY in the world we would want such an ugly house, it’s because the location and the floor plan are perfect. What are orange countertops compared to having all the walls in the right places?

Oh, my friends, we are going to have some fun. You know how Brian and I are somewhat directionally challenged? You ain’t seen nothing until you’ve seen us get our DIY on. The Ugliest House in Albuquerque has no idea what’s coming.

Aluminum Anniversary

Apparently, the traditional gift for the tenth wedding anniversary is something made of aluminum or tin.

Who thinks this shit up? Don’t anybody tell my husband; he’ll go get the roll of aluminum foil and make me something.

No way in the world am I an interesting enough person to make foil jewelry work for me.

Traditional gifts of a useless nature aside, ten years is a major milestone. I’m amazed that we made it. It’s been a bumpy ride.

Uphill, in the snow, with no shoes.

Seriously, it has not been a smooth and easy ten years, but I love him wildly.

Brian is my friend. Everything that happens in my life, I want to share with him. When I’m scared, it’s his hand I need to hold. When I’m happy or excited, he’s the person with whom I want to celebrate. If I’m sad, I want him to keep me company while I cry.

We laugh together. We’re silly; we joke and tease and if life is hard and we need a reason to laugh? Brian will give one of the dogs a ridiculous haircut.

We have fascinating conversations. We talk about politics, family, God, religion, books, movies, everything. Ten years in and we still lose sleep sometimes because we’re busy talking and we lose track of time.

He’s the only person in the world as fully invested in Carter’s well being as I am. While I take the lead on all things Carter, I know that Brian is in the boat with me, no matter what.

Difficult as the past ten years have been, I wouldn’t have wanted to live them with anyone else.

Happy anniversary to my absolutely most favorite person.